Assay
Bring us your ingot. We will weigh it against a slightly larger ingot, declare a number, and refuse to explain the number. Turnaround is nine weeks or one afternoon, depending on the mood of the Registrar.
Founded 1874 · Never Audited
Twenty‑One
Karats
Purity Beyond Reason
The Institute of the Twenty-First Karat is the world’s only body empowered to certify gold beyond the point of usefulness. We do not mine. We do not trade. We appraise, and then we go home and think about it.
“Every ingot leaves here heavier than it arrived. We have stopped asking why.”
What We Do, Loudly
Certify
Successful specimens receive the Gilt Seal: a wax impression so heavy the certificate must be stored flat, in a cool room, away from anyone who might ask questions about it.
Insist
Should any rival body claim a twenty-second karat exists, we dispatch a man in a good coat to stand outside their building until they reconsider. He has never failed. He has also never been paid.
The Ledger
- Karats recognized
- 21
- Karats tolerated
- 21
- Ingots assayed since 1874
- 4
- Ingots returned
- 1
- Ongoing inquiries into the other three
- 0
Figures are provisional, self-reported, and gorgeous.